


Left to Faith

by fondofthehowes



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Conflict Resolution, Developing Friendships, Gen, Grey Warden Joining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29758584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fondofthehowes/pseuds/fondofthehowes
Summary: A knock rang out on her open door, deep like the color of the wood itself and she looked up half expecting Anders to be there. The mage had been slipping closer and closer into her frame of focus lately. He was amusing when he was actually being funny. Not when he was covering things up, afraid. She would even consider him a friend by now.But it wasn't gold she found at her door, warm like the mornings they spent on the road. Rather, she found night, hung against shoulders just like her own. Gritting her teeth, she put her quill back into the inkpot.She didn't greet Nathaniel, merely stared at him waiting for him to speak. What courtesy did she owe him anyways?
Relationships: Female Cousland & Nathaniel Howe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Left to Faith

They fought often. Loudly. Yelling at one another like there was any abandon to have at all. It made her stomach tight every time. She fought Fergus because she kept Nathaniel and now Nathaniel was fighting her for keeping him. There was no winning between them. Stuck, she was, without any manner of resolution. 

Working in her office, she wrote, harsh and quick enough that the paper tried to tear beneath her. There were many things that didn't bend to her will as of late. The paper would. 

A knock rang out on her open door, deep like the color of the wood itself and she looked up half expecting Anders to be there. The mage had been slipping closer and closer into her frame of focus lately. He was amusing when he was actually being funny. Not when he was covering things up, afraid. She would even consider him a friend by now. 

But it wasn't gold she found at her door, warm like the mornings they spent on the road. Rather, she found night, hung against shoulders just like her own. Gritting her teeth, she put her quill back into the inkpot. 

She didn't greet Nathaniel, merely stared at him waiting for him to speak. What courtesy did she owe him anyways?

Realizing she was going to stay silent, he nodded his head, brows furrowed as he stepped in, shutting the door behind him. Why shut it? What on Earth did he need that would require that? The thought made her arms draw chill and she pushed back from her desk a touch. Ready. Always ready. 

After all, he was a Howe. Wouldn't surprise her if he came to kill her one on one like this. At least he wasn't a coward about it like his father. 

"Will you please relax?" Nathaniel asked, eyes narrowing at her. Patting his sides and pulling the edge of his boot down, he showed he was weaponless. "I'm not here to kill you." 

Her mouth twitched. _Fine_. He could still strangle her even without weapons. Maybe use a cord...

"Magnolia, I really just want to talk."

"Then talk," Magnolia said, hands twitching at her sides. She wanted to trust him, she did. It was hard to earn that after losing it so heavily, but she knew there was something there. Something sat in Nathaniel that was kind, held in the way he defeatedly admitted to wanting his family's things back. She understood entirely. "I'm not entirely sure what you would want to talk about. But sit." 

Nathaniel nodded, pulling a chair from the edge of the room to rest in front of her desk. His legs crossed, hands proper in his lap. They were so similar. Their lives. Their mannerisms. Their goals. By all accords, by any other timeline, they would've been fast friends. Unfortunately, the one they were in left much to be desired. 

"When we went to Amaranthine, when I found my sister," Nathaniel started, gaze steady on her, trying to convey gratitude for the fact she allowed him that at all, "I spoke to her." 

"I am aware, Nathaniel. I took you there," Magnolia replied, sharp. "Are you just going to recap our trip?" 

" _Maker_ , _listen_ ," He argued, leaning forward, voice raising again. They slipped into it so quickly. "I didn't tell you what we spoke about." 

She swallowed, brows flinching. Why would she care about what Delilah had to say? She was glad for Nathaniel to find her, deep down. That kind of fear was something she knew for far too long. After learning Thomas died in the war, it's all she could offer him. Minimum kindness.

"What did you talk about?" Magnolia prompted, voice calm, signaling retreat. "I'm sure you were very happy to see her." 

Nathaniel nodded, hands wringing in his lap a moment. " _Very_. But you're well aware of that feeling. I'm glad you allowed me the same. You didn't have to. I know that."

Watching him, she blinked at the gratitude and it didn't sit on her skin like it usually did. It actually permeated, made her warm. The feeling made her fight it mentally for a moment before she again retreated. It was becoming common with Nathaniel. She hated it. 

"So long as you're aware," Magnolia said, paced, still watching. "I assume she had something to say about—" 

His name never sat right on her tongue. After she killed him, after the nothing of it all, she pushed him in a box in the back of her mind. She didn't like to take it out, to look at it and examine it the way Nathaniel so clearly wanted her to. There was no explanation she owed him. 

"I knew my father as a strong man. A cold man who expected things from me for a long time. It's the entire reason I was in the Free Marches at all. To be _more_ ," Nathaniel explained and Magnolia flinched. Panic rose in her chest and she wished it didn't. They couldn't be this similar. The Maker couldn't be _that_ cruel. "Who he was when I left eight years ago and who he was before he died were not the same person. Delilah made me understand that." 

Magnolia didn't move, but mentally she nodded. Siblings were good for that. Samuel often held things in front of her that she struggled to see by herself. It was understandable that Nathaniel was blind to it until he talked to her. No one knows him better. Giving a small nod, she told him to continue. 

"He became power hungry. Mad with it. I didn't want to believe that when you told me. I didn't want to accept that the man I wanted respect from would do that," Nathaniel said, quiet but forceful. He believed it. Every word. "I told you once I was sorry for what he did to your family and the apology was genuine. It was still empty. It isn't anymore. I'm truly sorry for the horror my family has brought on yours. You had every right to kill me as you saw fit. But you didn't... and I want to know why."

_Why?_

She asked herself the same question the night of Nathaniel's joining. Why did she let him live? Why did she think he would die? Howe's were apparently nearly impossible to kill as even when you took one down another appeared. Eyes flitting away, she closed them, trying to collect her thoughts. 

"Honestly, if I tell you, you might actually try to kill me again," Magnolia said, laughing weakly. "I didn't think I had the right to decide. Conscripting you was a gamble on if you lived or not and the Maker clearly wanted you around so—" 

"You... left my life up to _faith_?" Nathaniel said, pushing up to stand, voice raising again. "FAITH?" 

Magnolia's mouth twitched. "Yes." 

Nathaniel stared at her, face twitching with irritation, but he held a hand to his mouth to contain a laugh. Coughing, it stuttered from his lips. It was _absurd_ hearing it out loud. Magnolia could only sit, watching him decide just how badly he wanted to kill her now. Maybe he too could leave it up to faith. 

"Magnolia, you are unlike any person I have ever met. That is _not_ a compliment," Nathaniel asserted, hand rubbing his jaw as he glared at her. "But I lived, didn't I? I lived by the will of the Maker or whomever's hand. That was enough for you not to kill me?" 

"Yes," Magnolia replied again, scratching the back of her neck. She felt the need to apologize. She hated that. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?" 

Sighing, he shook his head, resting back down in the chair. They were too much. This horrible pull between their lives, threading them together like a tapestry without any instruction. Crossing his legs again, he took a breath, centering himself. 

"I would like to start over, if that is quite alright with you," Nathaniel said calmly. Holding his hand out, he left it in the air between them. "My name is Nathaniel Howe. My father was a bastard of a man and I renounce him entirely. Also, I'm quite good with poisons."

Magnolia hesitated for a moment, eyeing him. What an odd bird. Still, she reached forward, taking his hand and shaking it. It worked, somehow, this release between them. Easing, she smiled softly. 

"A pleasure. I am your Warden Commander, Magnolia Cousland," Magnolia replied, bowing her head before drawing back. "My father was a wonderful man and I try to do right by him. Also, I'm quite good with knives." 

Nathaniel chuckled, lifting back onto his feet. "A pleasure. I will let you return to your duties, Commander." 

Watching him leave, she hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should follow. In the end, she didn't. She simply picked her quill back up and continued writing with a little less weight on her shoulders.


End file.
